Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Retreat
In a dark room, a boy was sitting in the front row amidst of variety of people. he reminisced over the week’s work and wondered what had just happened. He knew he couldn’t finish his job. He was put into a losing battle and because of it, he felt anger, frustration, and disappointment. He was a perfectionist at heart, wanting every little detail pristine to his liking. The boy lamented at his failures and wondered if there was any relief to what he was feeling. He could not deliver his promises to the expectations of the group. In one sense, he didn’t live up to his commitment for his family.
Suddenly, he heard a voice saying, “look behind you”. Shrugging, he looked behind, much to his dismay; he saw something that captivated him. He saw his brothers and sisters behind him with their voices loud and hands lifted high, praising the Father. Hope gleamed from each of their eyes and love radiated from their bodies. There was a transformation that was occurring in each of them. Something he could not possibly explain. It was not his planning or logistics that led them to this. Something worked passed all the mistakes and errors. Upon this realization, he could not help, but let go of his mistakes and worship the King. His eyes were teary as he fell facedown to the floor in awe of the Father.
Suddenly, he heard a voice saying, “look behind you”. Shrugging, he looked behind, much to his dismay; he saw something that captivated him. He saw his brothers and sisters behind him with their voices loud and hands lifted high, praising the Father. Hope gleamed from each of their eyes and love radiated from their bodies. There was a transformation that was occurring in each of them. Something he could not possibly explain. It was not his planning or logistics that led them to this. Something worked passed all the mistakes and errors. Upon this realization, he could not help, but let go of his mistakes and worship the King. His eyes were teary as he fell facedown to the floor in awe of the Father.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
transparancy
I remember in High School when my youth pastor would pick me up to go to church. In the car ride, he said something that, although simple, still profound me today. The saying goes that “people are like onions; they have layers”. Some people will think of the movie Shrek when they hear this quote, but it has much light to it. As people, we have different levels of vulnerability depending on who we’re with. The people we trust more will have access to the inner layers of our being while strangers will only get to see the outermost layer, which usually pertains to the superficial stuff such as sports or random news.
I had an interesting conversation with a person I grew up with who used to admire my openness to people. However, this person was also disappointed that I’ve gotten a little more guarded over the years and that I’ve become more superficial and fake in the way I express myself. I’ve been pondering how I’ve changed over the years and I have to agree that what this person said is very true. How I carry myself around people has significantly changed to the point where I have to constantly create this “successful” image about myself whether it be with family, friends, or people I’ve just met. I have to carry this reputation about myself to show that I’m valuable. I think it’s come to the point where I carry myself in guardedness subconsciously. Although some may say that I should carry myself well around people, this very need I have to carry a reputation is killing my soul on the inside.
I remember when I used to be so open about myself in high school at church. Back then, I was very much aware of my weaknesses. Although I was scared to admit some of my struggles and weaknesses to people in youth group, I didn’t care. I needed Jesus in my life more than anything and I guess that desperation is what caused me to be so open with my life problems. I was desperate and had that attitude that if God didn’t move now, then my life is screwed, so I guess that’s why I was so open. I didn’t care what people thought because my problems and my desperation for Jesus were much greater than my reputation.
I don’t know what it is that doesn’t allow me to become transparent. Maybe a lack of urgency or desperation? Or maybe the fact that I’ve “matured” in to the college life in which the culture does not allow or value for people to be open about their weaknesses. Also, I guess the life problems are much greater and more is at stake if people knew what I struggled with or went through. Reputation doesn’t matter much in high school or even as kids; however, as college people, it’s everything.
I’m kind of rambling, so I guess I’ll end on the thought that I need to read His word more. I think part of me doubts that if people, even my closest friends, knew who I was, then things would be different. I would be judged. I would have shame and disappointment placed on my head and my reputation of being an engineer at UCLA, a manager at Wetzel’s, a “successful” Christian, would all be gone. Part of that human response I guess morphs into my life with God. I know that God knows everything and I do read in his Word that He loves me and that nothing can separate me from His love. But the reality is, if I knew that God knew everything about me, I have that gut thought that He would abandon me. So I guess I’m back at square one, I need You Jesus more than anything right now.
I had an interesting conversation with a person I grew up with who used to admire my openness to people. However, this person was also disappointed that I’ve gotten a little more guarded over the years and that I’ve become more superficial and fake in the way I express myself. I’ve been pondering how I’ve changed over the years and I have to agree that what this person said is very true. How I carry myself around people has significantly changed to the point where I have to constantly create this “successful” image about myself whether it be with family, friends, or people I’ve just met. I have to carry this reputation about myself to show that I’m valuable. I think it’s come to the point where I carry myself in guardedness subconsciously. Although some may say that I should carry myself well around people, this very need I have to carry a reputation is killing my soul on the inside.
I remember when I used to be so open about myself in high school at church. Back then, I was very much aware of my weaknesses. Although I was scared to admit some of my struggles and weaknesses to people in youth group, I didn’t care. I needed Jesus in my life more than anything and I guess that desperation is what caused me to be so open with my life problems. I was desperate and had that attitude that if God didn’t move now, then my life is screwed, so I guess that’s why I was so open. I didn’t care what people thought because my problems and my desperation for Jesus were much greater than my reputation.
I don’t know what it is that doesn’t allow me to become transparent. Maybe a lack of urgency or desperation? Or maybe the fact that I’ve “matured” in to the college life in which the culture does not allow or value for people to be open about their weaknesses. Also, I guess the life problems are much greater and more is at stake if people knew what I struggled with or went through. Reputation doesn’t matter much in high school or even as kids; however, as college people, it’s everything.
I’m kind of rambling, so I guess I’ll end on the thought that I need to read His word more. I think part of me doubts that if people, even my closest friends, knew who I was, then things would be different. I would be judged. I would have shame and disappointment placed on my head and my reputation of being an engineer at UCLA, a manager at Wetzel’s, a “successful” Christian, would all be gone. Part of that human response I guess morphs into my life with God. I know that God knows everything and I do read in his Word that He loves me and that nothing can separate me from His love. But the reality is, if I knew that God knew everything about me, I have that gut thought that He would abandon me. So I guess I’m back at square one, I need You Jesus more than anything right now.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Upcoming summer plans
Summer is at the 1/2 way point for us quarter system college students. I wonder what to do
July 30 - Organic Church Fellowship Meeting
Aug 1 - Beach
Aug 14 - End of SAT teaching/Great America
Aug 16 - Fly back to LA
Sept 12 - Birthday/Possible Vegas Trip???
I need people to fill this schedule
I'm going to be going back to LA, probably working part time, researching, and studying for the GREs. However, I would also like to take this free time over the summer to chill with you guys who I don't see often.
Goals for Sess C
- Get 3 hours of studying for GREs per day on weekdays, 4 hrs combined on weekends
- Catch up with at least 2-3 people per week
- Work part time 15-20 hrs and hopefully train people to become SSS
- Research successfully (nothing bad)
- Pray at least 1 hr day/lead corporate prayer at least 1-2 times per week
- Read 2 books of the bible per week
- Catch up on Smash with people. Improve on Tech Skill
- Somehow clean the apartment (I heard the living room and kitchen are pretty bad)
i'm also very open to suggestions
July 30 - Organic Church Fellowship Meeting
Aug 1 - Beach
Aug 14 - End of SAT teaching/Great America
Aug 16 - Fly back to LA
Sept 12 - Birthday/Possible Vegas Trip???
I need people to fill this schedule
I'm going to be going back to LA, probably working part time, researching, and studying for the GREs. However, I would also like to take this free time over the summer to chill with you guys who I don't see often.
Goals for Sess C
- Get 3 hours of studying for GREs per day on weekdays, 4 hrs combined on weekends
- Catch up with at least 2-3 people per week
- Work part time 15-20 hrs and hopefully train people to become SSS
- Research successfully (nothing bad)
- Pray at least 1 hr day/lead corporate prayer at least 1-2 times per week
- Read 2 books of the bible per week
- Catch up on Smash with people. Improve on Tech Skill
- Somehow clean the apartment (I heard the living room and kitchen are pretty bad)
i'm also very open to suggestions
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Real encounters
Because of Jenn's request, I have decided to update my blog.
"Real" Encounters
I have been out of LA and back in Cupertino for nearly 2 months. I enjoy aspects of being in Cupertino as well as being in LA. For one thing, I am significantly less busy back at home. My schedule at the beginning of summer was
7:45am Wake up/Get Ready
8:30-12:30 SAT Teaching
12:30-12am Nothing
After a while, the free time bored me. I couldn't possibly pray for 10 hours straight to be realistic. I gradually decided to pick up running as well as read some books. On a side note, I like CS Lewis as an apologetics writer. He's very straightforward in his writing style and produces solid examples to help visualize and portray what he's arguing. Also, I am tutoring Chemistry on the side and running at night with one of my good friends. Needless to say, I've gotten pretty active. However, I do really miss my Passion Church friends. I miss the times I can go up to someone and worship/jam the night away. I miss the times when we would pray for hours on end, meeting God face to face. I realize that I miss the "real" encounters that I had with God.
Granted, I do have much daily conversation with my Daddy whether it is during my drives around Cupertino or when I have some good alone time at Peet's Coffee. For the most part, my spiritual life is kind of stagnant. I currently attend GrX with my siblings on Sunday. I do not mean to bash GrX because I do believe God's work is being done in that church. However, I leave every Sunday with much dissatisfaction. We have worship and we hear a sermon every week. I do like that they incorporate a 5 minute prayer time during the service, but I feel like I'm watching a show every time I am there. I learn a good moral and listen to some good music. Is the church supposed to be like this? What worries me is that the general American Christian population expects that this is what spirituality/Christianity/church is all about. Man, I miss meeting God in real moments. It strikes me that when I read in the Bible of people encountering Jesus or God how much people's lives change.
Moses's encounter with God at the burning bush, forever changed him from a simple man to a man that led a nation to freedom
Paul on his road to Damascus encounters Jesus/God and has his life change forever
Mary upon meeting Jesus has her life changed forever
These encounters are real. If I learned anything, it is that the God of today is the same as He is yesterday. I believe in a God that still has encounters with people today. I don't believe real encounters with Him are pertinent only to the Old Testament or to the times when Jesus still lived. With that in mind, I don't get why people don't have the mindset of wanting to encounter Him at church. Instead, we settle for less than what God wants to pour out by having programs and services that don't really do much, bluntly said. I miss the times when we would gather and pray with the expectation that we were going to encounter the real livng God. We would not stop praying until something happened. It was in those moments though that God would show up and amaze and transform us in many powerful ways. I wonder if my busy-ness and my priorities in my own life also prevent me from having those real encounters with God. My spiritual life feels dry, I need more of you Jesus.
"Real" Encounters
I have been out of LA and back in Cupertino for nearly 2 months. I enjoy aspects of being in Cupertino as well as being in LA. For one thing, I am significantly less busy back at home. My schedule at the beginning of summer was
7:45am Wake up/Get Ready
8:30-12:30 SAT Teaching
12:30-12am Nothing
After a while, the free time bored me. I couldn't possibly pray for 10 hours straight to be realistic. I gradually decided to pick up running as well as read some books. On a side note, I like CS Lewis as an apologetics writer. He's very straightforward in his writing style and produces solid examples to help visualize and portray what he's arguing. Also, I am tutoring Chemistry on the side and running at night with one of my good friends. Needless to say, I've gotten pretty active. However, I do really miss my Passion Church friends. I miss the times I can go up to someone and worship/jam the night away. I miss the times when we would pray for hours on end, meeting God face to face. I realize that I miss the "real" encounters that I had with God.
Granted, I do have much daily conversation with my Daddy whether it is during my drives around Cupertino or when I have some good alone time at Peet's Coffee. For the most part, my spiritual life is kind of stagnant. I currently attend GrX with my siblings on Sunday. I do not mean to bash GrX because I do believe God's work is being done in that church. However, I leave every Sunday with much dissatisfaction. We have worship and we hear a sermon every week. I do like that they incorporate a 5 minute prayer time during the service, but I feel like I'm watching a show every time I am there. I learn a good moral and listen to some good music. Is the church supposed to be like this? What worries me is that the general American Christian population expects that this is what spirituality/Christianity/church is all about. Man, I miss meeting God in real moments. It strikes me that when I read in the Bible of people encountering Jesus or God how much people's lives change.
Moses's encounter with God at the burning bush, forever changed him from a simple man to a man that led a nation to freedom
Paul on his road to Damascus encounters Jesus/God and has his life change forever
Mary upon meeting Jesus has her life changed forever
These encounters are real. If I learned anything, it is that the God of today is the same as He is yesterday. I believe in a God that still has encounters with people today. I don't believe real encounters with Him are pertinent only to the Old Testament or to the times when Jesus still lived. With that in mind, I don't get why people don't have the mindset of wanting to encounter Him at church. Instead, we settle for less than what God wants to pour out by having programs and services that don't really do much, bluntly said. I miss the times when we would gather and pray with the expectation that we were going to encounter the real livng God. We would not stop praying until something happened. It was in those moments though that God would show up and amaze and transform us in many powerful ways. I wonder if my busy-ness and my priorities in my own life also prevent me from having those real encounters with God. My spiritual life feels dry, I need more of you Jesus.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Inadequacy and dating (in the PC context)
Sometimes I wonder in the midst of my brokenness, why me God? Why have you chosen to die for me? Why did you choose me to know so much about Your goodness and Your love? Why are you handing authority to me as Your hands and feet when You know my weaknesses and my sins? You know me in my low points, yet You want me to be a testimony of Your glory? How does that work, God? I’m confused.
In these moments, I ponder again and again why God moves the way he does. I picture God to be perfect and flawless. Once again, those are attributes of God. In these realizations, I do not want to taint or mess up anything about my perfect Father and King. Whether the task maybe doing ministry in church or trying to explain how awesome He is to people, I am worried and scared that I’m not the “right” person for the job and that I will screw up.
I grew up as a clutz. I remember the times when I would drop food everywhere and have people scream to me on how unreliable I was. I had people belittle me constantly saying that I did not hold up to some certain standard whether it was following in the footsteps of my brother or failing to meet expectations in general.
God’s funny sometimes. I have to constantly be reminded by Him that my failures are okay. In scripture, He says that He is actually made strong in my weakness and that we are a working masterpiece.
I write this to not get pity; rather I wonder if this mindset of inadequacy seeps into how we view members of the opposite sex within Passion Church (PC). Overall, I feel a strong sense of admiration towards everyone in PC. Never before have I seen a group of people who are so passionate for the Lord. I have learned much about many aspects of our Father through PC. With the women of PC, I have a strong sense of respect. They have valued the Lord so much in their life, choosing Him as their first love. I’m not saying that PC people are perfect, but they sure are amazing.
Anyway, I wonder if when a person does have feelings of love/romance towards the other gender, then feelings of inadequacy come in, preventing a person from pursuing his or her crush.
“I want to date her, but I’m not good enough”
Okay, maybe a person might not outright say that. Let’s change it
“I want to date her, but I’m not ready to date her. Her priority is with God. I do not want to screw up her relationship with God. She is so awesome and talented too, but I’m worried that I might distract her from her relationship with God.”
This is more subtly said in the minds of PC people (in my opinion). I think one of the reasons people don’t want to date is because of the fear that they are not good enough for their crushes. The feeling of inadequacy seeps in, trying to justify and prevent romance from every happening between pairs of very qualified people.
Not only do you have to encourage and edify the body, but at moment’s time take a step back and look at the mighty works that God does in your life. God moves inside of each one of us in so many awesome ways. Sometimes, we tend to forget that when God is moving on other people marvelously, He is also doing a mighty work in us, whether we believe it or not.
What are your thoughts?
In these moments, I ponder again and again why God moves the way he does. I picture God to be perfect and flawless. Once again, those are attributes of God. In these realizations, I do not want to taint or mess up anything about my perfect Father and King. Whether the task maybe doing ministry in church or trying to explain how awesome He is to people, I am worried and scared that I’m not the “right” person for the job and that I will screw up.
I grew up as a clutz. I remember the times when I would drop food everywhere and have people scream to me on how unreliable I was. I had people belittle me constantly saying that I did not hold up to some certain standard whether it was following in the footsteps of my brother or failing to meet expectations in general.
God’s funny sometimes. I have to constantly be reminded by Him that my failures are okay. In scripture, He says that He is actually made strong in my weakness and that we are a working masterpiece.
I write this to not get pity; rather I wonder if this mindset of inadequacy seeps into how we view members of the opposite sex within Passion Church (PC). Overall, I feel a strong sense of admiration towards everyone in PC. Never before have I seen a group of people who are so passionate for the Lord. I have learned much about many aspects of our Father through PC. With the women of PC, I have a strong sense of respect. They have valued the Lord so much in their life, choosing Him as their first love. I’m not saying that PC people are perfect, but they sure are amazing.
Anyway, I wonder if when a person does have feelings of love/romance towards the other gender, then feelings of inadequacy come in, preventing a person from pursuing his or her crush.
“I want to date her, but I’m not good enough”
Okay, maybe a person might not outright say that. Let’s change it
“I want to date her, but I’m not ready to date her. Her priority is with God. I do not want to screw up her relationship with God. She is so awesome and talented too, but I’m worried that I might distract her from her relationship with God.”
This is more subtly said in the minds of PC people (in my opinion). I think one of the reasons people don’t want to date is because of the fear that they are not good enough for their crushes. The feeling of inadequacy seeps in, trying to justify and prevent romance from every happening between pairs of very qualified people.
Not only do you have to encourage and edify the body, but at moment’s time take a step back and look at the mighty works that God does in your life. God moves inside of each one of us in so many awesome ways. Sometimes, we tend to forget that when God is moving on other people marvelously, He is also doing a mighty work in us, whether we believe it or not.
What are your thoughts?
Thursday, June 4, 2009
NBA FINALS Predictions
Yes, it is 2:15 am
Yes, I have a final tomorrow, but I want to post my predictions before the first game.
I'll start off with the keys to success for both teams
1. Andrew Bynum
He has not been nearly as good or as effective in the playoffs as we expected. However, if he puts up 25 minutes of solid minutes with good defense, that's all the Lakers need from him. If Bynum can't guard Howard one on one, you can effectively call him useless because that's the only thing he'll be good for. The Lakers are a lot more effective on offense, going small-ball, with Gasol as the center and having wing-men who can shoot the 3. If he can get 10pts-10reb and maybe a couple blocks, that's going to help significantly.
2. Which role players are going to show up?
The role players we saw in game 6 vs. Denver or
The role players that haven't done anything all series long.
3. Lamar Odom
Will he grow some kahunas or not? He has potential. Everyone writes about it. He has shown glimpses of it. Will he unleash it in the finals or cave in like last year against the Celtics?
Orlando Magic
1. Get Dwight involved early and often.
I don't see anyone on the Lakers sans maybe Bynum guarding him effectively. If he's commanding double-teams early, expect to see the Magic have a shooting spree from the 3-pt line
2. Take advantage of the mismatches with Lewis/Hedo
I can't imagine what type of lineup, the Lakers can throw that will efffectively contain Dwight, Hedo, and Lewis. Gasol can't hang on the perimeter against Hedo and Lewis and is too small to guard Dwight. It's going to be interesting to see what lineup Phil pulls to guard this team.
3. How much of Jameer will we see?
Any remotely fast point guard has terrorized the Lakers this season. Fisher is too slow to contain any penetrating point guard. Fisher made Aaron Brooks look like Tony Parker. If Jameer can play remotely decent, this may cause many problems. I don't think Farmer or Fisher can contain him. Hopefully, Shannon Brown will be played in the rotation more. Has anyone wondered besides me why this guy isn't getting the minutes he deserves?
Lakers in 6 is my prediction
G1: Lakers win
G2: Lakers win
G3: Magic win
G4: Lakers win
G5: Magic win
G6: Lakers win
Yes, I have a final tomorrow, but I want to post my predictions before the first game.
I'll start off with the keys to success for both teams
1. Andrew Bynum
He has not been nearly as good or as effective in the playoffs as we expected. However, if he puts up 25 minutes of solid minutes with good defense, that's all the Lakers need from him. If Bynum can't guard Howard one on one, you can effectively call him useless because that's the only thing he'll be good for. The Lakers are a lot more effective on offense, going small-ball, with Gasol as the center and having wing-men who can shoot the 3. If he can get 10pts-10reb and maybe a couple blocks, that's going to help significantly.
2. Which role players are going to show up?
The role players we saw in game 6 vs. Denver or
The role players that haven't done anything all series long.
3. Lamar Odom
Will he grow some kahunas or not? He has potential. Everyone writes about it. He has shown glimpses of it. Will he unleash it in the finals or cave in like last year against the Celtics?
Orlando Magic
1. Get Dwight involved early and often.
I don't see anyone on the Lakers sans maybe Bynum guarding him effectively. If he's commanding double-teams early, expect to see the Magic have a shooting spree from the 3-pt line
2. Take advantage of the mismatches with Lewis/Hedo
I can't imagine what type of lineup, the Lakers can throw that will efffectively contain Dwight, Hedo, and Lewis. Gasol can't hang on the perimeter against Hedo and Lewis and is too small to guard Dwight. It's going to be interesting to see what lineup Phil pulls to guard this team.
3. How much of Jameer will we see?
Any remotely fast point guard has terrorized the Lakers this season. Fisher is too slow to contain any penetrating point guard. Fisher made Aaron Brooks look like Tony Parker. If Jameer can play remotely decent, this may cause many problems. I don't think Farmer or Fisher can contain him. Hopefully, Shannon Brown will be played in the rotation more. Has anyone wondered besides me why this guy isn't getting the minutes he deserves?
Lakers in 6 is my prediction
G1: Lakers win
G2: Lakers win
G3: Magic win
G4: Lakers win
G5: Magic win
G6: Lakers win
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)